CUTI

K just nak gtau ni aku 1/2 suka cuti 1/2 lagi x suka cuti. Sebab first aku suka cuti sbb aku leh rehat n my mind will be blank for a few day. Second bila cuti aku leh main ngan kucing aku. Third reason aku menshut kn diri aku dari homework n people that annoy me. Reason aku x suka cuti lak sebab yg plg first is aku akan start ingat cita lama which klu boleh nak delete terus dari memory aku. Second bila aku cuti of course dark besar tu pun cuti gak....n then my middle child syndrome will be high. Third aku akan rasa macam aku digunakan je. Ntah la aku memang x suka cuti tapi aku still perlukan rehat. Aku bukan nak blame sesape atas semua yang berlaku kat aku ni tapi aku dah lama sangat simpan. Ok just imagine ek.... aku selsema n demam n then someone ask me to babysit my brother. I thought 'Woo dont you think that I need a rest b4 I'm able to take care my brother.' It just ruin my plan to just rest for the whole day n then start from that I feel like I'm being used. It always like that eveytime I on holiday there is always unwiling request that make me feel like I want to go back to my college. And today I start to refresh back the memory( it bad for my health you know) but I cant help it, it just came. This always happen when my bro n me were sick at the same time n when I want to tell them that I was sick, he got it first n so I just watch it from a far n said there goes my chance. I even remember when I fall sick, they just ask me to do the chores even when it obvious that I'm sick. I guess  I'm not important to them... lately when I come home I just barely talk to anyone , I completely shut myself in the room... I dont know what happen but this is who I am the middle who always never get anything at instant, the one who have to wait for approval, the one who cannot voice out her feeling out loud, the one who this feeling slowly eat her, the one who dont want anyone to help her but she really need help. The one who sometimes condition make her fell hate toward the person she loved. I hate this feeling that I feel but I cant stop myself from reopening the wound... help me emotionally I'm weak.