matlamat yang tidak mempunyai goal

hmm ...nampak lain kn entry aku...actually...otak aku sekarang tgh berselirat.  WHY..its becoz...i have been thinking i have done nothing in this past year..well its almost a year since my education ended..not that i did not try to find a job ..i did...but as the planing goes along with time ...nothing work out...and i just stuck here in home...its pretty scary to face the real world..rather than the comfort world...ntah ar wei..dgn adik aku sat demam..sat sihat...aku payah nk p cari kerja...ngan nk sambung belajar lagi...dgn money prob lagi...adoii...yeah nmpak sangat la x bersyukur tu...no it just like this...aku malu ...bila aku x leh wat apa-2 tuk tlg family aku selain dari tlg jaga adik aku...aku klu boleh nk menyumbang sikit fulus kat depa...bkn aku nk kata adik aku penyebab nya cuma..aku just malu bila x berkerja ni..n risau la gak...whatever happen to my lil bro ...he is not the reason to whatever happen to me...so skrang aku still pikiar lagi la ...x dak ka job yang aku boleh wat kat umah...ye la ..sesambil kerja tu tgk adik aku ka...nak niaga x dak modai la plak...aish...ntah ar wei...let it flow with the time and current...and by the way...sementara aku cari kerja yg x dapat ni...aku terasa nk belajar hiragana la or tulisan jepun..ye la most of romaji bahasa jepun aku dah tau...just belajar word dia yg simple ja....at least aku tambah aku nya knowledge kat situ kan...whatever happen...i must move on and keep calm and work out my relationship with HIM...still not going to work out...ashamed...n my resolve is not very firm right now...i try restraint myself but it only hold for just a few weeks...i am such a bad person...