get out

GET OUT ,,.I NEED TO GET OUT FROM THIS OUT..,AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS...I NEED TO GET AWAY...,THIS WORLD IS UNFAIR...WHY I CANT DO THIS OR THAT,,WHY HE CAN DO THAT WHILE I CANT..WHY HE CAN SLEEP AS LONG AS HE LIKE BUT NOT ME...WHY I HAVE TO DO THE HOUSEWORK WHILE HE ONLY DO NOTHING,.,WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY...I'MSICK AND TIRED OF THIS WORLD..,THERE IS NO EQUALITY BETWEEN MAN N WOMAN...THIS WORLD IS UNFAIR...I HATE IT...... I HATE IT WHEN MOM WOKE ME UP FIRST BUT NOT HIM... I HATE WHEN I HAVE TO DO THE HOUSEWORK ..,BUT THEY DO NOTHING...ARGGGGGHHHHHH..,THIS WHY I MUST STAY AWAY..STAY AWAY FROM THEM.,.STAY AWAY.,.THIS WORLD IS UNFAIR...WHEN THEY SAID IT FAIR..THEY R ALL WRONG..THIS WORLD still run in the old fashion...there is no equality...

magic beyond words

As some of my friend knew.i am totally a die hard fan of HARRY POTTER but i just know the movie not the book..wish someday i able to get the whole collection......ok u must wonder why i'm telling this,..
Actually aku bru ja lpas tgk magic beyond word..,story about jk rowling n how she deal with hardship in her life...seeing that movie make me feel the process of creating the masterpiece.,how it feel...i totally love the feeling...i dont know if i have what it take to be a writer....can i be ..i also like to be something that is more stable in my life...something that can make me money and at the same time i enjoy it...hmmm

a day in my life

Today is like the usual day but there is a bit diff today...around 2 p.m ..my friend leo call me ...we go out to shopping mall..and she talk..about everything that occur,.,how she is ...but meeting her today make me realise what should i do with my life...do i want to continue with my story,...or i want to find a job...i wonder that......

OFF

since aku balik dr arau...aku dah x brapa cakap ngan kwn aku dr sana...reason...aku dah bosan nk buat muka ngan depa....disana aku bukan menjadi diri aku yg sebenar..aku menjadi seorang yg mereka harap aku jd...first half semester kat sana..it fun..get to know people..the other half...we show our own colour..i'm definitely not their favourite colour...the last sem..i feel lonely..as i dont have other to speak..to pour all my heart content...it just i dont trust them anymore with my secret..i rather..let it rotted inside my heart as long as my secret safe...they dont know my feeling ..they judge me..but then they accused me for everything just becoz i dont talk...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i think the best song describe my feeling at that time and this time is CRYING OUT by CNBLUE

  

i'm not the person who can easily trust other bcoz.. i have been hurt more time..that my heart don't want to repeat it again....

SALAHKAH???

is it wrong for me to be alone n quiet...is it wrong for me to not asking or meeting with other people...is it wrong for me to have other people to think...to not favor fun of interact with other people...but no..they dont understand and dont know about it...bcoz u dont trust them...it easy for them to misjudged you...they dont know the real you...you that have your heart in cage ..cannot be open unless someone have the key to open it ..but your heart r not as cold or black as charcoal...
you just hide your true self from them...

TAKE A PIECE FROM MY PLATE, CHEW N THEN WE TALK....that who i am

malam ni

ok...tetiba ja mlm ni aku terasa nk jiwang...so bukak la you tube n cr lagu..yg dok bermain kat mulut ngan hati aku ni...dok nyanyi dari td x abis...lagu apa yg aku dok ingat...gadisku...lagu ni aku dgr masa tukar henfon ngan abg aku kbtulan dlm henset dia ada lagu ni..so aku pn dah trsangkut...penat oo cr lagu ni...lagu GADISKU ni mcm lagu MY GIRL tapi versi melayu...mmg best ar....dia ada brapa cover...Pastu tetiba tringat GADIS Marmalade lak....yes i'm listening to song dedicated to girls bcoz...i like it...

actually yg terasa JIWANG habis ni bukan apa..ISNIN ni aku MUET...so mcm release tension la konon...tapi dgr lagu mealyu...bila masa nk praktise speaking ni...adoi...x dak org nk spar speaking ngan aku...lapar aiskrim vanila topped with horlicks...SDAP...hehe aku nk rant ja mlm ni...

dlm pala otak aku ni, ada MUET, RESULT, IJAZAH, MASA DEPAN, REFLECT DIRI, DESSERT, DUIT, PLANNING..pendek kata pala otak aku beserabut....my parent seem x masuk campur hal aku just guide me...that what i want..but when too many choice in my hand..i become confuse...and need someone to talk...but thta for another rant....lps aku hbs speaking muet t aku rant x mau-mau dah...psai apa jd kt aku sem ni...kenduri..everything and some secret for me to keep to myself

:(

selesai sudah segala urusan pengkebumian arwah cousin aku yg bru bertemu semula dengan illahi...aku macam x percaya yang dia dah x dak.. aku teringat dulu aku pernah kata mcm-2  kat dia...tapi bila dah dia pergi dulu..aku just mampu mintak maaf dengan tuhan saja.. kenapa aku cerita pasal dia...sebab dia adalah abg cousin aku yg plg rapat.. tapi cousin aku ni mmg kuat...dia x menangis..teruskan senyum..tapi mata dia berkaca..dia seorang wanita yg bg aku teramat kuat dan matang...tabah menghadapi segalanya ...tanggunjawab dan harapan selepas ini tergalas di bahu dia...dia kata kat aku "nnt ang share abg ang dengan aku" sebak aku time tu sebab aku x dapat bayangkn walau salah seorang pn ahli keluarga aku yg meninggal...aku izinkan dia share abg aku ...n aku kata kat dia biar aku jd pengganti abg dia..biar aku jadi kakak dia...abg dia seorang yg baik, menurut kata, walaupun senyap ramai orang senang dengan dia...namun apa kan daya ...dia pergi dulu sebelum mak tok, ma ayah, dia pergi dulu sebelum yg lain...ya allah lapangkan lah tempat tinggal dia, ampunkan dosa dia, ampunkan dosa aku keatas dia, terangkan tempat tinggal dia ...ya  allah berikan pahala membaca al-fatihah kepada dia ya allah...

must be let it out

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhh ....aku tension aku nk jerit...bermacam dugaan aku taun ni ...ni minggu depan masuk u balik tuk sem last....tapi ...adik aku still kat hospi n aku trasa x mau balik u langsung klu boleh aku nk tangguh sem ja....tapi tu la still x wat keputusan lagi...x dak org yg boleh aku berbicara...x dak org yg memahami aku x dak org yg mendengar aku...aku nk nangis ja...ngan kolej still dok proses....haiya....aku dok luar bru padan muka aku...tlg la aku ...i just need someone to talk....someone to listen to me....

HEART BEAT

Today my heart beat faster than the usual
Today my heart feel empty despite people around me
Today I rush home from event
Cause today my little brother heart beating faster than mine

Yesterday my lil brother for some unknown reason refuse to sleep till in the morning and today he got the worst epilepsy in his medical history. At first i thought that he going to be fine...but after a day of having epilepsy attack ...mom decide to take bro to hospital..it scares when you see his heart beating faster than normal...it scare me when he gaping for air when it happen...it shake me...i never feel the fear of losing someone close to me...and i dont want to feel it...i dont know why it seem that god are testing me....he affect the people that i love but not me directly...i guess he asking me to change my likes...i still can live without the thing that i like...but i cannot live without people i love....